hitting a high

This is the fun part.
My mom congratulates me, me and my starving sisters share clothing, I can take off my hoodie in public again...I know its unhealthy for some people, and they get more insecure, but for me, its the only time I like myself.

I bought new black pants and some shirts, and I look great in them. life is so unbelievably good right, it amazes me. My goal is 13 more pounds-only lost like 10 or 15 so far. It's fine, I just have to start exercising more.

Highlight of my week:
My mom said you can see my ribs again.

It doesn't get better than this.

If you've never...

..laid out all the food in your house and marveled at how pretty it was

..chugged half a two liter of diet coke and took a deep breathe before the plunge

..and weighed yourself to see the difference in what you weigh before and after you threw up...

..then you don't know what you're missing.

and if you've never

..stayed up all night just to exercise

..felt proud when you don't eat

..or have never cried yourself to sleep over the way you look

then we would have nothing to talk about.

lovey-doveys, eli

hardcore(and keeping score)

There's only been two occasions in the last couple of weeks that I didn't throw up what I ate:
A) once at 1am, hadn't eaten all day and stayed up waiting for mom to come home with food but was too exhausted to do it
B) threw up once, then ate more, but my stomach was completing freaking out and my insides were all on fire and I really tried but couldn't do it.

convinced my friend to become bulimic. I am going to hell.
but it sure is nice to have someone to do this with me.

we've got a competition going, kind of like anorexic week-at first I got scared she was beating me, but I overreacted. she is still so new and doesn't throw everything up. it takes me three minutes(not always, but most the time) but now I have motivation, ya know?

we're like the toxic friends who make your life that much better.

but I exercised for over an hour yesterday and I pulled something in my arm really badly. I can't even straighten it. grrrrrr. well, here's to diet coke.

Places I Have Thrown Up At Lately
-bathroom on knees
-in bushes in woods
-in room into bowel
-bathroom, standing up
-bushes at side of house
-trashcan by side of house
-into bag in room
-into bag by side of house
(I sure provide lots of entertainment for the neighbors)

lovey-doveys,
eli

happy anorexic week

so I had a Truly Shitty Experience, and it was just what I needed to finally get back into it. My throat's sore-I've been throwing up almost everything. It sucks though, cause I'm feeling better now, so it's harder to stick with it. This week, me and my friend aren't eating, but I've sucked so far. I had to eat yesterday, and I couldn't throw up w/o my mom knowing. grrrr but at least I've been exercising. Gonna start running again soon. grrrr! I was doing so well last week. I almost want something bad to happen so I can feel horrible enough that I get sick if I even get near food. But all I can do now is stock up on benedryl so I can go to sleep at 5 so I won't eat.

pain is weakness leaving the body

been so lazy lately, gotta get back like it was eighth grade. miss my other anorexic half-because we make one anorexic girl together, but apart we are only halves. been trying to get back into bulimia, but I'm so scared now I'll get caught-I have with shoplifting and cutting, and I don't wanna get sent to Rockford. feel like shit today, gonna have to dm like crazy tonight. i just wanna be fucking saved, you know?

until then, I'll just stick to whore-ing it up.